Happy Wife, Happy life? Poor Husband!

IMG_1175Are you a happy wife, happy life kind of gal? How is the atmosphere in your home? Do you blame your kids or husband when you are having a bad day? When someone doesn’t do what you want them to do they fear the consequences? Do you recognize when you are being selfish? We all struggle with selfishness. Every one of us.  Proverbs 21:9 says “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” Proverbs 21:19 “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

I won’t teach my sons or daughter the phrase “Happy wife, happy life” I won’t use it in our home. Why? It shows my sons that they have to work to make someone else happy. I won’t teach my sons that they have to walk around on eggshells for a woman because he isn’t doing what she wants. It shows my daughter that if she throws a big enough fit she will get her way. It tells her that her happiness depends on what a man gives her or does for her. That is untrue and an unhealthy mindset to have.
To be happy is a choice. You find joy in the love of God. It is not our job to fulfill another or to be filled by a person. Don’t put that stress on your husband or yourself. Don’t teach that to your children. We are complete when we know the Saviour not when we find our soul mate. Yes, we should want to do nice things for our spouse and we should like when they do something for us. It is when we expect our husband to cater to our wants and make him pay when he doesn’t. That is a sign of a selfish marriage. We should never put expectations on our loved ones that are unreasonable.
How do we show our children to have an unselfish marriage? To not have the mindset that their spouse’s job is to complete them. Simply, be an example. Being unselfish towards our spouse. Towards our children. By not having a demanding attitude. By respecting one another. Husband and wife alike. Cherishing one another. Laughing together in the hard times, not just the easy. Saying nice things about one another especially when the other isn’t around. Doing little acts of kindness for your spouse. Teach them that it’s better to give than to receive. When something doesn’t go your way let your husband off the hook. Smile at him instead of scowling. Be understanding instead of critical. Speak a soft word instead of an angry one. Most importantly, have a relationship with Jesus Christ. When we are not happy with our life we need to turn to our Saviour. We need to pray and dig into our Bibles. Our children will see and they will take notice. Let us show our children to resist the temptation to be all about me. Throw the happy wife, happy life out the door and appreciate what you have.

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Is Your Soul Weary?

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This morning I was woken up around 3 am. From there I tossed and turned. I was unsuccessful in falling back asleep. My mind refused to stop thinking about things that are out of my control. I tried to change the direction of my thoughts. Ha! Didn’t work. Pray? I tried. Nothing….My mind continued to wander. So, there I was at 4 am doing a few chores that wouldn’t wake everyone else. Coffee brewing.
See, I have questions for the Lord lately. Questions that I haven’t gotten answers to. I decided to read scripture knowing that searching anywhere else is not going to get me the answers I need. Knowing that keeping my Bible on a shelf will do more harm than good in my personal relationship with Christ. How do I know? Because I tried both of those ways. An hour later, I still don’t have the answers. Honestly, I am going to have to do some soul-searching and digging deep into scriptures to get them.
I did, however, see Isaiah 40:27-29 “Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the Lord, and my judgment is passed over from my God? Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.”
God never faints. He is never weary! When I am weary He will sustain me. My stress that is too much for me right now is not too much for Him. My life that has been a little off track is not too much for Him. The problem I have with anxiety is not too much for Him. My people-pleasing issue is not too much for Him. My frustrations and anger towards relationships that aren’t how they should be, are not too much for Him. None of it is too much for Him.
Whatever we may be facing our Creator is not blind to it. He is not weary of it. He is not weary of His children. I believe He is on call for us. He wants to help, but as humans, we tend to do other things before we go to the Lord. For some reason we believe just maybe we can solve this problem. What happens is we push God aside. We put God on a shelf. We stress. We fail. We stumble. We finally realize not by our strength but His. Though we may grow weary in this life. Weary even in our Christian walk the good Lord above does not. Psalm 68:8-10 says
“The earth shook, the heavens also dropped at the presence of God: even Sinai itself was moved at the presence of God, the God of Israel. Thou, O God, didst send a plentiful rain, whereby thou didst confirm thine inheritance, when it was weary. Thy congregation hath dwelt therein: thou, O God, hast prepared of thy goodness for the poor.”
Read that scripture a few times and let it sink in. If your soul is weary and your mind is tired, rest in the presence of God. He can move mountains.

A Beautiful Messy Life

I was sitting on the couch. Eyes closed. Breathing. Trying to pull it together before the husband came home. He came in the door knowing something was wrong. Him asking only made the tears that I was trying to hold in pour out. I messaged one of my best friends and told her I was pretty sure that I am going through a midlife crisis at the young age of 33! Dramatic much? Definitely. My husband tried to encourage me and my best friend wouldn’t entertain my pity party. People who care for you don’t always tell you what you want to hear.
I realized this morning that when we grow and God is trying to teach us something it is uncomfortable. I have been asking God to help me say “no” to unnecessary things in my life. To simplify. To help me prioritize and focus on what is most important at this moment. It’s okay that I cried and had a pity party. Mommin’ is NOT easy. Life just gets difficult sometimes. That’s okay. It’s okay that I had a break-down over what my purpose is. It’s okay that I am stressed. It will pass. I hope….Maybe I need to do a faith study.
What isn’t okay is when I tell the wrong things “No.” I can’t say “No” to my Bible reading or to prayer time. I can’t say “No” to church. I need to be around other Christian friends. My kids need to be in church. I can’t say “No” to spending time with my kids or my husband. They need me engaged. Honestly, Isn’t it easy to check out from people? From church? From life? I also know that occasionally to recuperate from this life we need to get away. Though, it is dangerous when it becomes a habit. I know God is trying to teach me what to say no to and what not to. How to simplify without removing the most important things. How to be content with me being a mother. Life is a beautiful mess. I am a beautiful mess. We all are!

Things we can and should say “No” to:

*Putting a fake smile on your face for the women at church. I am so guilty. There are a few ladies that know it is a fake one.
*To being a people pleaser
*To perfectionism
* To criticism (from others or from yourself or towards others)
*To complaining (it steals our joy)
*To busy days. Busy doesn’t mean productive.
*To things that take you away from your family.
*To things that distract you and stress you. Stop adding more activities of any kind if you already have too much on you.
*To keeping up with the Joneses (aka the mom who looks like her life is perfect)

Is Social Media Taking Over Your Home?

 

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I believe one day some will say the constant use of Facebook or other types of social media ruined their lives when their marriages have ended and their kids have grown.
Until then we as a society will sit idle, numbly staring down at a screen that means absolutely nothing yet everything to us. We feel the need to connect? I don’t think so. It is mind-numbing. It teaches us to ignore the real problems around us. Real Relationships are difficult social media isn’t. Social media can’t give us what people and experiences can. It is a false sense of happiness. We feel connected to the world yet completely disconnected to the people living in our own homes. We teach our children to do the same by giving them iPods, iPhones, and tablets. It’s like we as a society say “Here, this will help you feel like you belong.” They suppress their feelings of neglect by engulfing themselves in a screen. We tell ourselves that they are okay and in reality, they aren’t. It isn’t. If we are not careful our homes, marriages, and relationships with our children will deteriorate right before our eyes.

We as spouses need to turn off the television and put down the phones in the bedroom. Lock the door and get “connected.” Yes, you may have issues. Don’t we all? Sex is an important part of marriage. Sex connects you more together than liking the same post or getting likes on your couples photo. It isn’t okay to ignore one another. Sometimes we don’t mean to and it becomes a habit. Break that habit and enjoy one another. Husbands and wives need to guard themselves while on social media. What if someone single sends you a message hinting around? You shut them down. Simple. Your job is to protect your marriage. We need phone free fun date nights with our spouses.

As parents, we need to put down the screens and listen to our kid’s talk. Yes, I know it’s hard but give your child full attention about his 3rd favorite animal and play UNO. We need to be aware of why the teen is storming through the house. We need to be there to help them through these years. Do you really want them getting any kind of advice from an online forum, Teen Vogue (shame on them for publishing an article about having anal sex), Cosmo, or the Seventeen Magazine? I don’t think so! There needs to be accountability on the social media sites. Parents don’t get comfortable thinking your child isn’t going to come across temptations, pornography, or a pervert. Rules need to be set. We need to get back to our families. We need to have game nights with the kids. As my kids would say marsh marshmallows over a fire on a beautiful night or just go on a walk.

I know this may seem like I am slamming screens and social media. I am not. I think Snap Chat can be fun if used with caution. My kids love Minecraft and tons of other online stuff. I know a lot of good can come out of social media but so can a lot of bad. It is our jobs to be wise about how we use it. We need to ask ourselves if it is taking over our families and our relationships. I’m not completely against social media. We have social media accounts and our kids have iPods and such.

Like everything in life, there needs to be a balance. Too much of anything is not good! It’s time for our society to wake up and do better. It’s time for families to get back to the roots of family stuff! It’s time for Dads and Moms to have more influence on their kid’s lives than social media or the world does. It’s time to put God back in our homes! God only twice a week, if that, isn’t good enough! They need a daily relationship with Him. We need a daily relationship with Him! Yes, it’s hard to do. I know first hand because I am human. Take time to unplug as a family and just be together.

 

Where Is Your Hope?

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We open our news feed and see bad news. News that angers and makes us sad. It makes us literally shake our heads. A black man shot up a church the other week and now a white man shot up a concert this week. The racist and media are having a field day with these stories. Shootings, rapes, murders, abuse, the list goes on and on. The world is crazy. People are crazy. These are heart issues, not race or political issues! If you are a racist you have a heart issue. If you are a murderer you have a heart issue and so on.

Yes, Momma’s we have to raise our babies in this mess! Yes, it’s a sad time. It’s frustrating. A time where you have to take precaution on where you go. If you go or if you live by fear. Even in smaller cities, the crime is getting worse. What are you going to look to? Who are you going to put your hope in? The world or Christ? If we look to the world daily we will be disappointed, heartbroken, scared, mad. Occasionally, we will see the news and it will be sprinkled with good stories to try to offset the bad. I love the good stories! Either way, those good stories don’t give me peace or hope.

We need to look daily to Christ, the One we know. We won’t be disappointed when we look to Him. We know He has our lives in His hands. We hope in Him. We trust in Him. We look to Him when the world is chaotic and ridden with harmful things. We are Christians!  As hard as it is, we need to focus on God throughout these times. We don’t need to walk around defeated and asking the question what is wrong with this world? The answer is the sickness of sin, selfishness,  immorality, and ultimately lives without Christ! We need to be praying for our country, offering a helping hand when we can, and letting others know about our hope in Christ.

Our hope rests in Him at the end of our lives, at least mine does. Does yours? Do you know where you will go if something unfortunate happens? Death will eventually reach us all. Some sooner than others. Heaven and Hell are real places. Hell is not just the grave! People can’t pray or pay you out of it! You can’t earn your salvation by being good! Not everyone goes to Heaven.
The Bible says there is one way. That way is through Jesus Christ, as our personal Savior. Repent. Confess. Call upon the name of the Lord and you shall be saved. There is none righteous, not one. All have sinned and come short of the glory of God. No person is too bad or too good for the love of Jesus Christ. No sin that has been done is too powerful for the love of Christ. Through Christ, you can be forgiven. My hope is in the blood of the Lamb. I only pray for those that read this that yours is too. If it isn’t I pray you find someone who can help you see the truth in the scriptures.

John 14:6 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”

Acts 3:19 “Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;”

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Romans 10:13 “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

Romans 3:10 ” As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:”

Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;”

1 Thessalonians 5:8-11 “But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation. For God hath not appointed us to wrath, but to obtain salvation by our Lord Jesus Christ, Who died for us, that, whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with him. Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.”

Titus 3:4-7 “But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared, Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;
Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour; That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.”

Overload

I absolutely love our Sunday school class. We were having a discussion and my Pastor’s wife said something so simple but had so much truth “We are operating on overload.” Yes! I needed that! Having a hard time reading your Bible because you can’t focus? Do you have a million tabs open in your brain? Are you are reading words but it isn’t registering? Guess what? It happens! It’s okay! Satan would love for us to get frustrated, put the Word of God down, and not pick it up the next day. Before opening Facebook open up your Bible. Before opening your Bible, pray. Simplify your life as much as you can. Understand that God knows our worries and troubles. He is in control. We need to learn to say no to activities that will put us into overload. We need to learn to say no to our anxieties that put us into overload. #prayerchangesthings #beanencourager #simplify#soulsisters #wordstudy #scripturemeditation #armourofGod

Be a Praying Sister

 

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Some of us are going through it and if we’re not now we will be at one point. The thing is we don’t have to do it alone. Go to your sister in Christ. You know the ones that you can trust with the deepest parts of your soul? Go to those and say I am struggling. I don’t know if I can do this. Get some encouragement! Get them to lift you up in prayer!

Why do we hide our problems from one another? From the ladies whom we know will truly care? I am not talking about sharing all of your business and/or husband bashing. Don’t overshare! I am not suggesting you trust everyone. I don’t think that is wise because there are some untrustworthy, wanting you to fail, love that you are tripping kind of people in this world and yes, even in the church. Perhaps one reason we hide so much from each another is the fear of being judged for our sins and our deepest issues. The fear of others talking about us and telling others what we came to them in confidence about. The fear that the people who are supposed to care most about us and pray for us will not think the best of us anymore. At least we think they won’t if we are vulnerable and honest.

Ladies, I challenge you to find your people who you can go to. Pray for women that you can go to with confidence that they will pray deeply for you and remain unbiased. Don’t let Satan feed you lies because we are not in this alone! You feel like you are? So have I the past few months but it’s just not true! Last night I received a message from a sister in Christ letting me know she is here for me and that I have a God who carries my burdens. I don’t think she understands how much I needed that! God knew! Ladies, don’t seclude yourself from others because there are genuine women who care and will pray.

I also challenge you to be a trustworthy and understanding person to go to. If someone comes to you in confidence don’t go tell anyone else. Just don’t! Ladies, just because you are going through it in a worse way don’t dismiss others problems. The point is to be there for one another no matter how big or small. Pray for God to place you in the path of other women that you can be a blessing towards. Be a praying sister in Christ.

A warning
we can be a blessing without being consumed with the problems of others. Do not become so involved in their life because we need to be good for our own husbands and children. Others should not come before them.
Have a healthy balance. Be there but be wise. Be a good friend but please don’t lose yourself. Don’t wrap yourself in someone else’s mess it will impact your own life and cause trouble. Consuming yourself in the lives of others will cause disorder in your life; your own homes; your own relationships. Be careful. Sometimes when this happens God will cause separation in order for you to get back on track. Our job isn’t to fix someone when they come to us it is to simply have a listening ear, an honest word, encouragement, and prayer.

Proverbs 27:9 Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.”

Proverbs 18:24 “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”

“Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”

Hebrews 10:24-25“And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”

 

Cycle of Negativity

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Being around too much negativity, complaining, and critical spirits will drain a person. It can damage a home, a marriage, parent-child relationships, and friendships.  It is almost like it sucks everything out of you! Sometimes it is necessary to distance yourself from people who have these attributes even if you love them and they are dear to your heart. A constant attitude of negativity, complaining and criticizing is very unhealthy. It doesn’t stay with that one person it spreads like a sickness. It will infect our lives and our homes.

We can say we want help. We can say we want change in our lives. We can ask for advice but if we are not willing to take it why are we wasting someone else’s time and energy??? Why are we pretending? Eventually, people will see through the facade and walk away. They will tire of the constant complaints and unwillingness to apply anyone’s advice to your life.  In reality, most would rather moan and groan instead of changing. Why? Because it is difficult to break a negative habit and easy to blame others.

Have you ever been that person? Have you ever dealt with one of those people? I have been and I have! It is a cycle one must break! When we behave negatively and with complaining it is selfish. We are only thinking about ourselves. We are failing to see God and His goodness in our lives and in the lives of others. We are not taking notice of the ones who are actually trying in our lives. When we constantly criticize others we need to take a step back and look at our own hearts. Generally, when we are criticizing there is a deeper issue within ourselves that we need to deal with. We need to go to God about ourselves. We need to allow Him to search our hearts.

Maybe you are feeling burdened down because you are allowing others and their ways to affect your life. If other people are negative let them be. If other people are complaining let them be. If other people are criticizing let them be! But don’t you yourself be! You cannot let others and how they act dictate you or your life. Don’t let someone else get you so frustrated that you bring it into your own home. You are responsible for Y-O-U!

Yes, sometimes we have to be around very unhappy people but we can limit our exposure. If you are dealing with negativity, complaining or a critical spirit within yourself and your own home it’s time to get real with God. If circumstances in your life need to change then get real with God. He already knows our deepest thoughts, secrets, fears, pride, and our downfalls. He knows everything.  Let God reevaluate your heart. Sometimes, we don’t need to go to others for advice. We don’t need to run to others for answers we need to run to God! All the advice in the world is never as good as the wisdom of God. All the advice in the world won’t be any good anyway if you aren’t ready to apply it and change. God can prepare our hearts when the time is right. We can’t make others take our advice. We can’t make others go to God. If we know someone who may be stuck in this vicious cycle the best thing we can do is let our own lives be an example and pray for them.

Hurricane Irma is coming close to landfall being from Georgia we will most likely get just a tropical storm. Houston was devastated by Hurricane Harvey and we don’t know how bad Irma will impact Florida. As I sit here this morning listening to the sound of the wind and the trees creaking. It looks as if the trees are dancing silhouettes swaying in the wind against the gray sky.

Times like these make me see how small we really are! How great God really is! Praise Him before the storm, through the storm, and after the storm. Praise Him through it all because even at the worst of times He is still worthy of our praise. If all you can get out is tears and a bowed head because you no longer have any words to pray, give it to God. If the pain is too great to say words He knows your heart. If the winds are knocking you down and you are in fear of what is next in your life be still, hunker down, seek Him through it and continue to praise Him. Even when we can’t see the beauty in a situation there is beauty. The winds will calm and the storm will pass and if you allow God to work in you through it He will make something beautiful. Trust Him always. Praise Him daily. Have faith that the sun always shines after a storm.

Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Luke 19:37-40 “And when he was come nigh, even now at the descent of the mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen; Saying, Blessed be the King that cometh in the name of the Lord: peace in heaven, and glory in the highest. And some of the Pharisees from among the multitude said unto him, Master, rebuke thy disciples. And he answered and said unto them, I tell you that, if these should hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out.”

Psalm 107:29 “He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.”

Nahum 1:7 “The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him.”